STRENGTH FINDER - Dealing With Relational Conflict

Today we looked at how to successfully manage your talents in your closest relationships.

We all desperately need to be loved, but because we are broken people living in a broken world, sometimes the "love train" gets off track. So, how do we prevent those off-track excursions? Or, how do we find the tracks once we are derailed?

The video below "Broken By Darkness" is a picture of what relational conflict looks like:

Conflicts in relationships can begin with the smallest of disagreements and quickly escalate into full-blown standoffs. So how do we prevent them, and how do we escape their torment once they occur? In other words, how do we get the train back on the tracks when the inevitable happens?

Before I summarize the solution from today's lesson, watch the short video below and see one couple's attempt to resolve a head-splitting relational problem.

Just as the video illustrated, "It's not about _____." In times of personal pain and darkness, what we need most from each other is not answers, but presence.

All relational conflicts are born out of sin... the deadliest of all being PRIDE. It is because of our sin resulting in a broken relationship with God that we encounter human relationship conflicts. It is also because of sin that we remain derailed.

Before we can even think about restoring a human relationship conflict, we must first resolve our broken relationship with God. Sin breaks our fellowship with God. The first step in restoring a broken relationship with God is to recognize and admit that sin is the problem. As we have discussed in previous classes, we must Recognize the sin, Repent it, and then we are able to Restore our heart to a state of fellowship with God. Once this has happened, we can then address our human relationship conflicts.

When there is a conflict between you and another person, you need to get alone with God, first, as soon as possible. Just you and God. Recognize your sin (pride, frustration, jealousy, anxiousness, selfishness, worry, fear, critical spirit, etc.), and then ask God to forgive you and fill you with the fruit of His Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control). We know we have reached this place of restoration when all nine of the fruit of the Spirit are evident (Galatians 5:22-23). Then go to the person you have the conflict with and say these words: "I am sorry for ________. Please forgive me." Do it quickly.

If you are ever approached by a person that you are having conflict with and they say those words to you, you should immediately respond with these words: "I forgive you." Nothing else! If they are your spouse or someone you love, you should say these words: "I forgive you and I love you." Nothing else!

Forgiveness does not mean that trust has been restored. If trust has been broken, it takes time for trust to be restored.

The mechanics of reconciliation look easy on paper, but it is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It is difficult because it requires that you surrender ALL of yourself to God and trust Him to work through you. In a way, it is an act of worship. Your surrender to God is always the first step to healing your human relationship conflicts. When your pride tells you that you are right, remember... the opposite of PRIDE is HUMILITY.

"For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:12

The slides used in today's lesson are below. If you weren't in class today, be sure to see the video below on our highlighted couple: Shay and Denise Nichols.

Audio File Test
Shay and Denise Nichols

Next Sunday (March 16th) we will have the S-Finder Jeopardy Review. Here are the topics.

Who's Who

As our class grows and flows, we need to know everyone's name. This is especially important for new members of the class.

If your picture is not here, or if you don't like the picture that is here, please email me a good picture of you (if you are single), you and your spouse (together), or you and your spouse-to-be (together). I will also have my camera on Sundays.

 Patrick & Kerrie Reed

Mike & Sue Marie Coe
 

 Bryant & Paige Hardy

Adam & Kristin Rollins

Ray & Holly Rollins

Shay & Denise Nichols

Bradley & Jessica Bedwell

Chase & Sara Elizabeth Jordan

Jerad & Deanna Sowell

David Coe

Caroline Ritter

Andy & Lydia Scarvey

Gabe & Jamie Crook

Dustin & Beth Granberry

Jeremy & Sybil McGhee

Todd & Ashley Sellers

Ross & Crystal Lee

Kirk & Brittan Jones

Dan & Jill Hershman

David & Lindsay Holloman

Hank Mosley

Justin & Jacquelyn Smith

Taylor Johnson

James Crockett

Rob & Buffie Dryden

Ryan & Suzanne Richards

Michael & Katie Nunnally

Daniel & Kathryn Pittman

Justin & Lilly Barfield

Tommy & Sarah Tolleson

 Lauren Wilbanks

Tim & Brooke Patton

Scott & Kristie Graves

William Blount

 Jennifer Farish

 Jack Sims

 Malcolm & Tilly Brooks

 Josh McNeal

 

 Angel Dease

Tracy Wallace

STRENGTH FINDER - Making Disciples Starts With You & Me

Today we focused on the three key elements of the You & Me Class: Product, Process, and People.

1. PRODUCT: Disciples. Our primary work as believers is to make disciples. The Great Commission given to us by Jesus was to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations..." Matthew 28:18-20. Making disciples starts with You & Me, then to those closest to us (spouse, family, class members, church members, friends, co-workers), then to the city, etc.

2. PROCESS: The process is a 5-step process we have adopted as our class mission statement: Surrender (love God), Serve (love others), Seek (pray), Study (grow in wisdom), Share (tell others). When we do these 5 things in Purity and with Passion, we will have God's power (Holy Spirit) to fulfill His Purpose through us. It is a supernatural process.

Just as we saw in the example of Moses (Numbers 11:11-17) and with the example of the first church in Acts (Acts 6:1-7), we need to be prepared for what God is doing and is going to do with our class. As with Moses and with the church in Acts, making disciples requires organization and teamwork.

We know Moses had reached the end of his rope when he cried out to God, "If this is how you're going to treat me, why don't you just kill me?" God solved Moses' problem by enlisting 70 leaders and officers to establish care teams to take the load off of Moses.

In Acts 6:1 it says, "Now at this time while the disciples were increasing in number..." There were problems and disputes growing among the people. The solution was to select from among them seven men of 1) good reputation, 2) full of the Spirit, and 3) full of wisdom to be put in charge of caring for the people. After this was done, its says in Acts 6:7, "The word of God kept on spreading; and the number of the disciples continued to increase greatly in Jerusalem, and a great many of the priests were becoming obedient to the faith."

Our class is growing. God is blessing. The group that God is bringing together is amazing! The You and Me Class is loaded with talents and Spiritual Gifts. We need to put those talents and gifts to work in our class in the areas that will prepare the class for what is coming. Each person needs to pray about where they can best serve based on their talents and Spiritual Gifts.

The foundation of our class needs to start with three groups: Administration, Care Groups, and Rapid Response Teams. Within each of these three key groups will be opportunities for you to serve in primary or support roles. In one of these three groups you will be able to use your Spiritual Gifts and talents. We will be looking into this further in the upcoming weeks. In the mean time, please complete the 80 question Spiritual Gifts Survey to discover your Spiritual Gifts (email me for the spreadsheet), and be sure to complete the Strengths Finder test. These two tools are invaluable to our class as we move forward in building an effective team and make disciples. In addition, in preparation for our next series, complete the 5 Love Language test and email me your results. Here is the link: 5 Love Language Test

3. PEOPLE: You can have a great PRODUCT (ours has been given to us by God), and an effective PROCESS (ours is scripturally-based and dependent on the Holy Spirit), but without PEOPLE (surrendered believers growing in wisdom) you have nothing.

We need to love each other, support each other, and not let the enemy rob us of God's blessings. We can be guaranteed that we will face trials and periods of darkness, but with God, we can grow stronger. We need to stand strong together as a class. Remember, we are at war and must put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6). "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesian 6:12.

Next week we will look closer at how our talents work together in our closest relationships.

Congratulations to Patrick and Kerrie Reed on the birth of their son, Carter Reed.

This week, the spotlight was on DAVID COE. The animal that best describes his talents and personality is the owl. Since David is single, I proposed a set of 5 top talents for the woman that I felt might best complement David's "top 5". Here is a trailer for David as he continues his quest to find his "Green-eyed Relator".

STRENGTHS FINDER - Purity & Passion

Today we looked at the heart. The physical heart is the engine that drives the body. It beats approximately 100,000 beats/day; 35 million beats/year; and over 2.5 billion beats in a lifetime. About the size of your fist, a man's heart weighs 11-12 oz. and a woman's heart weighs 9-11 oz.

But more important than your physical heart is your spiritual heart. Today we looked at purity and passion as they relate to your spiritual heart. The main point of the lesson was that the quality of all of our relationships is determined by the spiritual condition of our heart. Is your heart pure or is it filled with sin?

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)

God knows the condition of your heart.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7b NIV)

Since all of your talents/strengths/abilities pass through your heart, if you have a pure heart (confessed of all sin), you will be a blessing to others--especially to your spouse, family members, or close friends. If your heart is filled with unconfessed sin, you will be a burden to everyone you come in contact with. The difference is whether your talents/strengths/abilities are focused outward or inward. The variable is sin.

How you communicate with others is a choice. If you get angry at your spouse, you are choosing to get angry. Nobody is forcing you to get angry. People say, "You make me so mad!" But nobody can make you mad without your permission. Anger is a choice, and you must choose to control it if you want to be a loving person. You have far more control over your anger than you may want to admit. Let me give you an example.

Let's say you're at home and you're in an argument with somebody in your family. Your voices are raised, you're getting excited, and you're upset. All of a sudden, the phone rings, and you answer sweetly, "Hello? Oh, yes! It's for you honey!"

What happened? You didn't want to be embarrassed or have to explain, so you flipped your anger off real quick. Anger is highly controllable! Anger is a choice.

"Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back." (Proverbs 29:11 NLT)

Resolve to manage your anger in advance--before you open the door to your house at the end of the day. You manage your anger by first resolving--deciding in advance--that you're going to hold back your anger.

"Whatever is in your heart determines what you say." (Matthew 12:34b NLT)

Just as anger is a choice, love is also a choice. Passion comes from a deep love. The reason we are learning our talents and our spouse's talents is to better understand how God has wired us. With this knowledge, we can better accept our differences. God made us each uniquely for a special purpose. We are wired the way we are to accomplish that purpose. Knowing how to use this tool will allow us to love others more freely.

Our talents are invisible, but they can be seen through the outpouring of our heart and our personality. Sin will determine if our talents are pointed outward (serving others) or inward (serving self).

The easiest way to see what is on the inside of a person is to listen to what comes out of their mouth. Your mouth reveals what is in your heart. A harsh tongue reveals an angry heart. A negative tongue reveals a fearful heart. A boasting tongue reveals an insecure heart. A judgmental tongue exposes a guilty heart. A filthy tongue reveals an impure heart.

There is no better example of passion flowing through the heart than what Jesus did for us when He came to earth, suffered, and died a torturous death. When He questioned what was ahead of Him, he said:

"Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? But for this purpose I have come to this hour." (John 12:27 ESV)

Now THAT is passion!

Jesus cares about your hurting heart. He can replace it with His love. He will help you heal so that your words give life and reveal to others the hope you have in Christ. The passion Christ showed by his coming to earth to suffer and die for our sins is an example that we can look to the next time we are faced with anger.

• The source of Christ's passion was his intense love for mankind.
• The passion of Christ was directed by the Father's will and resulted in a life whose purpose was the cross.
• The passion of Christ originated in love, was directed by the purpose of God, and was lived in dependence on the presence of God.
• The passion of Christ was energized by the power of God.

Today, I mentioned to the class that in the Spring of 1980 (34 years ago; we were 26 and 25), we attended the 1980 production (#38) of the Oberammergau Passion Play in Oberammergau, Germany. The play has been performed by the inhabitants of the village of Oberammergau every 10 years since 1634. The commitment of this small village of approximately 5,000 people is a great illustration of passion and love. The video below is a brief excerpt explaining more about the play.

The Passion Play - Oberammergau, Germany

The PowerPoint slides from today's lesson are below. This lesson was 3 of 5 in our Strengths Finder Series. We will continue next week with more on our talents and how they impact our relationships.

Notice that I made some changes to our class schedule. We added the series The 5 Love Languages (5LL). We all need to take the online test to discover our particular love language before we begin the series. The test takes about 15 minutes. It is free and there is no time limit.

NOTE: My top two love languages were QUALITY TIME (10) and PHYSICAL TOUCH (9). The highest score is 12. Here is the link to the test: DISCOVER YOU LOVE LANGUAGE 

Due to the wedding of Anna Coe and Dan Tankersley on April 12th, I will miss the class on April 13th. We moved our breakfast social to April 13th. This will be an important planning time for the class to discuss topics for future series. Patrick will lead the class and he will have a topic sheet with suggestions for future series.

STRENGTHS FINDER - Spiritual Gifts & Ministry

Today we "Unwrapped The Gifts." The instant a person crosses the line and becomes a believer in Christ, God gives that person 4 gifts: forgiveness, eternal life, the Holy Spirit, and Spiritual Gift(s).

We learned last week that STRENGTHS = Talents + Knowledge + Skills. Discovering what your "top 5" talents are is the first step in the journey to developing your Strengths. Once we know our Spiritual Gifts, we can begin serving the Body of Christ with the unique talents God has given each of us. The end goal is to find the place in the Body of Christ that you have been designed to serve.

"Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant." 1 Corinthians 12:1-3

How do I discover my SGs?

1. Take a Spiritual Gifts survey.

There are many SG surveys available. Here is a short one (35 questions) that will test for the 7 gifts in Romans 12:6-8. Click here: Short Spiritual Gifts Survey  

I personally like the one by LifeWay Christian Resources (80 questions). Click here: Spiritual Gifts Assessment Tools

NOTE: I have put the LifeWay Spiritual Gifts Survey into a spreadsheet that will calculate all the Gifts and save you some time. Email me and I will send you the Excel spreadsheet. With the spreadsheet, all you have to do is answer the 80 questions and your Spiritual Gifts will be ranked on a nice chart for you to see.

2. LOOK FOR those ministries in which you feel the most fulfilled.

3. LOOK FOR those ministries in which you seem to be the most effective.

4. LOOK FOR those ministries in which others affirm your abilities.

Knowing your talents and Spiritual Gifts is a great start, but to be everything God has designed you to be, you must use them as He intended. The Body of Christ suffers when you do not use the Gifts and talents God has given you.

STRENGTHS FINDER - Introduction

You are marvelously made, yet uniquely flawed. God created you for a very specific purpose that no one else is capable of accomplishing. You are special! You are one-of-a-kind!

"To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away." Matthew 25:15

In the Strengths Finder Series, you will see how your God-given talents can be turned into strengths and used to fulfill God's purpose for your life in the areas of ministry/calling (spiritual gifts), relationships (marriage, family, friends, others), and vocation.

Only by knowing your talents and strengths and by living through them can you be the best you that you can be.

This week I introduced the SF Series. Next week we will look at how our talents/strengths play a vital role in how we implement our spiritual gifts in ministry.

"...to equip the saints (members) for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ." Ephesians 4:12

This week the spotlight was on Bradley and Jessica Bedwell. Next week I will turn the light on Patrick and Kerrie Reed. Each week, I will draw a name and at the end of the following week's lesson, I will complete an analysis of that person/couple's talents--the good, the bad, and the cautions.

The slides this week were loaded with good info you might want to review. Below the slides is a list of the 34 talents and supporting scriptures that are associated with each talent.

The SIGNATURE THEMES & Supporting Verses

(Talents)

Achiever	1 Thessalonians 5:12-13; Proverbs 18:9; Hebrews 6:11-12
Activator	James 1:22-24; Ecclesiastes 11:4-6; John 13:17
Adaptability	Matthew 6:34; Mark 10:13-16; Luke 19:5-9; Philippians 4:12-13
Analytical	John 20:24-25; Acts 17:11; 1 Kings 3:9-12
Arranger	Proverbs 15:22; Psalm 8:4-6;
Belief	Joshua 24:15; Colossians 3:23-24; John 20:27-29
Command	John 2:15-17; Ephesians 4:25; 1 Samuel 17:32-37
Communication	Matthew 7:28-29; Matthew 13:34; Ecclesiastes 12:9-11; Romans 10:14-15
Competition	1 John 4:4; 1 Corinthians 9:24-26a; 1 Samuel 17:4-10; 1 Corinthians 15:54-57
Connectedness	Romans 8:28; Matthew 7:7-8; 1 Corinthians 12:18-21, 26-27; Ephesians 4:3-6
Consistency / Fairness	James 2:1, 8-9; Matthew 5:45; Romans 12:3
Context	Deuteronomy 4:9-10; Hebrews 1:1-2; Joshua 4:5-7; Ecclesiastes 3:15; Matthew 5:17
Deliberative	Ephesians 5:15-16; James 1:19-20; Luke 14:28-30
Developer	Acts 11:22-26; Philippians 1:3-6; 1 Thessalonians 2:7b-8, 11-12; 2 Timothy 2:2
Discipline	1 Corinthians 14:40; 1 Chronicles 28:19; Proverbs 21:5
Empathy	John 11:33-35; Romans 12:15; Luke 8:43-48
Focus	Luke 9:51; Philippians 3:12-14; Hebrews 12:1-2
Futuristic	Proverbs 29:18a (KJV); Joel 2:28;Genisis 37:5-8; Romans 8:18-21; Jeremiah 29:11
Harmony	Romans 12:16a; Matthew 5:9; 1 Corinthians 1:10; Psalm 133:1; Proverbs 17:14 (NIV)
Ideation	Isaiah 65:17-18; Romans 12:2; Revelation 4:11
Inclusiveness / Includer	Galatians 3:28; John 3:16; Philemon 17; Romans 15:7
Individualization	Luke 12:7; Psalm 139:1-3; 1 Samuel 16:7; Matthew 10:1-4
Input	John 21:25; 2 Timothy 4:13; Proverbs 2:1-5
Intellection	Luke 2:46-47; Acts 17:17-18; Matthew 22:37; 1 Peter 1:13
Learner	Daniel 1:3-4; Luke 10:38-42; Ezra 7:10; 2 Timothy 3:14-17
Maximizer	2 Corinthians 8:7; Numbers 18:29; Isaiah 40:31 (NIV); Matthew 25:19-21; 2 Timothy 1:6
Positivity	Proverbs 17:22; Philippians 4:8; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; Nehemiah 8:10; Luke 15:32
Relator	Proverbs 18:24; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; 1 Samuel 19:1-3; 20:16-17
Responsibility	Daniel 6:4; Proverbs 22:1; Matthew 7:21; Matthew 25:34-40
Restorative	Luke 5:29-32; Galatians 6:1; Psalm 23:1-3a
Self-Assurance	Hebrews 11:1; 2 Timothy 1:12b; Genesis 37:9-11
Significance	Matthew 5:14-16; John 10:10b; 1 Corinthians 4:15-16
Strategic	Mark 2:2-4; Psalm 25:4-5; Proverbs 19:2 (NIV); 1 Corinthians 10:13
Woo	Hebrews 13:2; Matthew 9:36-38; Colossians 4:5

Jeopardy Review - "SIN"

Today we had the Jeopardy Review on the SIN series. The three winners were: FIRST PLACE-Lindsay Reese; SECOND PLACE-Sybil McGhee; THIRD PLACE-Holly Rollins.

Congratulations to these three women and to the entire class. The participation was fantastic! I considered everyone to be a winner on this review. The purpose for our reviews are to enhance the retention of the material from the previous five-week series...and have fun doing it. I think we succeeded in doing both!

We begin the STRENGTHS FINDER series next Sunday. We have had almost 100% participation in the completion of the Strengths Finder test--only a few couples left that need to complete the test. The STRENGTHS FINDER Series should prove to be another valuable series aimed at helping us continue to grow personally, as couples, and as a class.

If you were not in class today, be sure to review the Jeopardy Review slides. The questions and answers are listed below the slides.

JEOPARDY REVIEW - SIN

SIN – Intro

1. This separates us from God.

A. What is Sin?

2. Sin is classified in different ways: Original sin, Imputed sin, Inherited sin, Generational sin, Seven Deadly Sins, Sins of the culture, etc. This classification of sin addresses any lack of conformity of an individual to the will of God in word, thought, or deed.

A. What is personal sin or sins of believers?

3. Your identity, your destiny, and your family tree are shaped by making these.

A. What are choices?

4. As referenced in Psalms 128, before this tree dies, new shoots of growth spring from its roots and eventually grow into adult trees.

A. What is an olive tree?

5. This Greek word means “missing the mark” and is used to describe a doctrine in Christian theology.

A. What is Harmartiology?

SIN- Define It

1. Walking in God’s purpose and His will is dependent on how you view this divine Person.

A. Who is the Holy Spirit?

2. In this Book and chapter in the Bible, Paul focused on the “believer’s DEATH to sin.”

A. What is Romans chapter 6?

3. In this Book and chapter in the Bible, Paul focused on the “believer’s STRUGGLE with sin.”

A. What is Romans chapter 7?

4. In this Book and chapter in the Bible, Paul focused on the “believer’s VICTORY over sin.”

A. What is Romans chapter 8?

5. These are the 9 fruit of the Holy Spirit that you can use to test yourself to see if you are walking in your will or God’s will.

A. What are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control?

SIN – Dissect It

1. As illustrated by the “sin tree”, all sins are rooted in this.

A. What is ungodliness?

2. Humility is the foundation of all virtue, but this is the essence of all sin.

A. What is pride?

3. As it is recorded in Matthew 5:8, Jesus said this about the condition of our hearts in His Sermon on the Mount.

A. What is “Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.”?

4. If not confessed quickly, one small “respectable” sin like IMPATIENCE can grow into irritability, anger, resentment, bitterness, enmity, a grudge, and eventually into this.

A. What is hate?

5. This three-word alliteration uses the letter “R” to help us remember the steps to a pure heart.

A. What is Recognize, Repent, Restore?

SIN – Defeat It

1. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul uses this to help us visualize the six key weapons of spiritual warfare.

A. What is Roman armor?

2. Unlike the Roman soldier who fought his battles in the earthly realm, the Christian’s battle is fought in this realm.

A. What is Heavenly or Heaven?

3. These are the 3 pieces of armor that the Christian must wear at all times.

A. What are the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, and the shoes of the Gospel of peace?

4. These are the 3 pieces of armor that the Christian must keep close at hand.

A. What are the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the Sword of the Spirit (Word of God)?

5. By doing this, the Christian soldier keeps the line of communication open to his Commander.

A. What is pray or prayer?

SIN - Relating to Others

1. As Peter writes in 1 Peter 4:8, when relating to someone held captive by Evil, this is the one thing, above all, that we must do.

A. What is love each other deeply?

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8

2. Paul tells us in Romans 12:9 that we are to cling to what is good and do this to evil.

A. What is hate?

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9

“In their own eyes they flatter themselves too much to detect or hate their sin.” Psalm 36:1-4

3. When relating to a non-believer who is trapped by Evil, your primary focus should be pointing them to this.

A. What is the Gospel or Jesus or the Cross?

“Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth.” John 17:17

“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14

“…warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.” Colossians 1:28

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17

4. In Galatians 6:1, Paul told the Galatians that a person must be doing this before he was qualified to restore a person caught in a sin.

A. What is living by the Spirit?

“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” Galatians 6:1

5. When you do this, your life becomes a mirror of God’s character when you relate to those you hope to help.

A. What is beholding the Glory of the Lord?

“We all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image…” 2 Corinthians 3:18