When it comes to relationships, we are all in pursuit of the same goal: A deep experience of personal intimacy through relationship with a person of the opposite sex. Why? Because only within the context of relationship can the deepest needs of human personality be met. Our need for relationship is real, and it is there by God's design. As dependent personal beings, we cannot function fully without close relationships. Building a successful Christian relationship requires that we use God's blueprint. Trying to build a successful relationship without God's blueprint is like trying to build a house without plans.
Next, we discussed the need to build our relationships on the Solid Foundation. In Matthew 7:21-25, Jesus tells the Parable of the Wise and the Foolish Builders. One built his house on the Rock; the other build his house on sand.
The ultimate foundation of all relationships is oneness--oneness with other believers and oneness with God through the Holy Spirit. In His last day on Earth, Jesus walked with his disciples and prayed to the Father:
"I pray...that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one." John 17:21-22
As the single person contemplates marriage, he/she should know that the best way to prepare for marriage is to grow in oneness with God. It is in oneness with God that we are able to fulfill what Jesus called the greatest commandment:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39
It is also in oneness with God that we are able to fulfill our purpose in marriage the way God designed it--God's blueprint. The following video should encourage singles:
Next week we will continue exploring God's blueprint for relationships as we look at oneness in spirit, soul, and body. The lesson slides for today's lesson are below:
Today we began our study on marriage and relationships. The main focus of this series is to point us to "Oneness" in our relationships: Oneness of spirit, soul, and body. The book I will be teaching from is The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb.
The goal of marriage is "A deep experience of personal intimacy through relationship with a person of the opposite sex."
This series is planned to be a total of 5 weeks. Today we divided the class into two groups: I took the men into a separate room while Sue Marie stayed with the women. We discussed 10 questions aimed at "tilling the soil" of our relational minds and preparing us for what is coming in the next three weeks. At the end of the three weeks we will divide the class once again, with Sue Marie taking the men and I will stay with the women.
Overall, I believe the material we will cover during this series is some of the most powerful information I have ever seen for helping the Christian understand God's design and purpose for the marriage relationship. In addition, the principles Dr. Crabb teaches in The Marriage Builder can also be applied in almost any relationship.
The Doctrine of Marriage is based upon "One Flesh."
Jesus:“Have you not read that He who made them at the
beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall
leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh’?” (Matthew
19:4–5).
Paul:“For this reason a man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).
Paul:“So husbands ought to love their own wives as
their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church [emphasis added]” (Ephesians 5:28–29).
Because the Israelite
men were divorcing their wives and marrying pagans, the prophet reminds the
people of the true meaning of marriage, as revealed in Genesis 2. “But did He not make
them one [one flesh], having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one [why were two
made from one]?” (Malachi 2:15).
The ten questions that both the men and the women were asked are listed below. I have inserted a video of Mark Gungor giving a seminar titled: "Tale of Two Brains." It is a humorous explanation of how male and female brains are different. Although it is not a Biblical approach, it does contain many truths and offers us an introduction to the first question the men and women were asked.
1. How are men and women different?
Tale of Two Brains - Mark Gungor
2. In a relationship, what are the most important NEEDS of a wife/husband? Use personal examples if you would like.
3. In a relationship, what are the most important DESIRES of a wife/husband?
4. What is the role of a husband/wife in meeting the NEEDS and DESIRES of his/her wife/husband?
5. What causes relationships to grow cold and lose intimacy? Give some specific examples.
6. How do most men/women typically handle their negative feelings toward their spouses? Give examples.
7. What motivates a Christian man/woman to live with a woman/man before they are married?
8. How do you think most husbands/wives would rate their sexual relationship after becoming comfortable in marriage (married longer than 1 year)?
9. What causes a husband/wife to think about (fantasize, imagine, or dream about) being with another woman/man?
Today we finished the 5LL Series with a Q&A session. The questions can be seen in the lesson slides below.
Our next series, The Marriage Builder, will be the best yet! It will begin in two weeks on April 20th (Easter Sunday). Whether you are married, single, or engaged, this series is a MUST for anyone who desires to understand God's plan for Christian relationships.
Although it is not a requirement, I strongly encourage you to purchase Dr. Larry Crabb's book, The Marriage Builder. This will be the book that I base the series on. It is a book you will re-read, reference, underline, discuss, study, and share with others. We purchased our copy in 1982 (married for 5 years at the time) and still have it today. The series is scheduled to last for 5 lessons, but I am willing to extend the series as needed.
The link to purchase the book is listed below. It is available in paperback and e-book formats. NOTE: The newer cover design differs from the older version that I have shown in class.
Next week there will be a breakfast social during the normal class time to discuss planning for future series. During this class you will have the opportunity to select topics for future series. Some of the main categories include: Relationship & Family, Answering Difficult Questions, God's Will, Prayer, Biblical Character Studies, Problems & Pain, Careers & Planning, Spiritual Growth, and more...or any other topics that you wish to explore.
The slides from today's lesson are listed below. The video for our spotlighted couple, Brandon and Ashley Lovering, is below the slides.
Today the focus of the lesson was on the nature of man. The NATURAL man is lost and without Christ. The CARNAL man has been born again into Christ, but chooses to live in sin. The SPIRITUAL man is confessed of all sin and surrendered to the Holy Spirit.
The containers below represent man's spirit. The two votive candles represent the Holy Spirit. The one flame represents a believer who is confessed of all sins and is allowing God's Holy Spirit to control his soul and body.
The Holy Spirit comes into man's spirit and quickens it as though kindling a lamp, equipping it to regain control over the soul and, through the soul, to govern the body. But, the soul must choose to allow it.
God's children already have the Holy Spirit abiding in them, but they may not recognize Him or obey Him. They must realize that this indwelling presence is a Person, One Who teaches, guides, and communicates the reality of Christ to them. Until they are willing to be taught, they block the way of this Person. Knowing He indwells us helps us as Christians to overcome our carnal condition.
"Do you not know that God's Spirit dwells in you?" 1 Corinthians 3:16
The communication, intimacy, and peace we desire in our relationships begins when we individually seek Total Oneness with God. This is only possible through our spirit. Oneness with God is the ultimate path to Oneness in our relationships--especially in our marriages.
"In order that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit...those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit...the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:4-6
In our study of Gary Chapman's The 5 Love Languages, we identified that the 5 love languages are primarily aimed at our emotions--the soul of man. That being the case, unless we are walking in the Spirit, the love languages are, at best, only able to temporarily satisfy. Complete satisfaction occurs when two spirits are joined through the love of God.
"The only thing that counts is FAITH expressing itself through LOVE." Galatians 5:6
The slides from today's lesson are below. The spotlighted couple was Ray and Holly Rollins. Their featured video is below the lesson slides.
Today we set sail on "The Love Boat" - our eight week cruise focused on discovering God's plan for successful marriages and relationships. The cruise will consist of two series. In series #1, we will spend three weeks dissecting Gary Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages. In series #2, our reference book will be The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb. The MB Series will consist of three lessons sandwiched between two group discussions, one before we begin the series and one after. In these two group discussions, we will divide the class into two sections (separate rooms): one group will be the ladies and one the men.
At the end of our cruise, it is my prayer that we will have gained: 1) Better Communication; 2) Increased Understanding of Each Other; 3) The Formula for True Intimacy; and 4) The Potential for Improved Romance--all for the ultimate purpose of being better able to accomplish our potential as individuals and couples while we fulfill God's purpose for our lives.
In today's lesson, I mentioned that everyone in the YM Class is in one of three places: 1) standing on the shore contemplating the idea of marriage; 2) cruising in the calm waters of the Harbor of Euphoria as a newlywed couple (married less than 2 years); or 3) braving the open seas of marital reality while fighting the crashing waves and threat of seasickness.
Waves of Marital Reality
The waves of marital reality erupt from within the emotions of our soul. They stir us like a raging, angry sea. Note: Unrealistic and overly emotional people tend to experience much rougher marital seas than others. The higher the emotion, the deeper the troughs between swells. Only when we allow the lordship of God over our emotions will the raging seas calm.
Much of the relational and marital distress we experience as Christians comes not only as the result of sin, but because we are ignorant of the laws of our own nature. In Genesis 1:26-27 and 2:7 we read that God created each of us with a Body, a Soul, and a Spirit.
We are Spirit. We possess a Soul. We live in a Body. The Body serves the Soul. The Soul serves the Spirit. The Spirit serves God.
The body communicates with the natural world just as the spirit communicates with the spiritual world. The soul stands between these two worlds, yet belongs to both. The soul is linked with the spiritual world through the spirit and with the material world through the body. It also possesses the power of free will, hence is able to choose from among the two. Note: Before man committed sin, the power of the soul was completely under the dominion of the spirit. Its strength was therefore the spirit's strength.
The soul is the site of personality. The intellect (mind), will, and emotions of man are also there. When the soul chooses to act upon the body without the influence of the spirit, the result is vacillation and undependability. The Lord Jesus tells us "it is the spirit that gives life" (John 6:63). This breath of life comes from the Lord of Creation. When a child of God walks by emotion (soul) rather than by spirit, he conducts himself in a wavelike fashion. It is only when the soul is willing to assume a humble position that the spirit can ever manage the whole man. If the soul rebels against taking such a position, the spirit will be powerless to rule, leaving the person (soul) in a godless state.
The life of an unregenerated person almost entirely is governed by the soul (mind, will, emotions.) His own "self" rules his soul and his passion governs his body. As believers, our human spirit has been regenerated. During the time of regeneration the Holy Spirit comes into man's spirit and quickens it as though kindling a lamp. This is the "new spirit" mentioned in Ezekiel 36:26. Proverbs tells us that "the spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord" (Proverbs 20:27). Having received God's Own life into our spirit we are born of God. As a consequence, the Holy Spirit now rules man's spirit which in turn is equipped to regain control over the soul and , through the soul, to govern the body. BUT, the soul must choose to allow it. If not, our journey at sea promises to be filled with many days of seasickness.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23
The slides from today's lesson are below. As soon as we can edit today's lesson, we plan to add an audio file to the slides. Below the slides is the feature video for Kirk & Brittan Jones. They have also been added to the Zoo.
Today we had our 3rd Jeopardy Review. The review covered the last
5 lessons making up the the Strength Finder Series. Today's
winners were: First Place (Gold): Sybil McGhee; Second
Place (Silver): Holly Rollins; Third Place (Bronze)
tied: David Coe & Sarah Elizabeth Sanders.
In light of our individual talents/strengths and Spiritual Gifts, this review covered the key issues dealing with how to maintain
healthy, Christ-centered relationships with our spouses, family members,
co-workers, and friends. When conflicts arise, the cause is always sin. Before
we can address any human relationship conflict, we must first confess our sin
and restore fellowship with God. Then we can deal with the human relationship
conflict. Love is the answer, but the only love that is lasting is the love
that God gives us because of our faith in Him.
"The
only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians
5:6 NIV
The main focus of the SF Series was to help you
learn more about your S.H.A.P.E. God made you for a specific purpose. He shaped
you for something only you can do.
"Before
I (God) shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light
of day, I had holy plans for you:" Jeremiah 1:4-5 (MSG)
You are wonderfully made but uniquely flawed. The testing we are
doing (talents/strengths finder, Spiritual Gifts, Love Languages) is to help us
get to know ourselves and our spouses better. The more we know about ourselves
and each other, the better we are able to manage our flaws, develop our
strengths, and encourage and support those we love most. Your shape was sovereignly determined by God for His purpose, so you shouldn't resent it or reject it. Instead of trying to reshape yourself to be like someone else, you should celebrate the shape God has given only to you.
Christ has given each of us special abilities -- whatever He wants us to have out of His rich storehouse of gifts" Ephesians 4:7 (LB)
Part of accepting your shape is recognizing your limitations (unique flaws). Nobody is good at everything, and no one is called to be everything. We all have defined roles. Paul understood that his calling was not to accomplish everything or please everyone but to focus only on the particular ministry God had shaped him for. He said:
"We will boast only about what has happened within the boundaries of the world God has given us, which includes our working with you." 2 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)
The word "boundaries" refers to to the fact that God assigns each of us a field or sphere of service. your shape determines your specialty. When we try to overextend our ministry reach beyond what God shaped us for, we experience stress. Just as each runner in a race is given a different lane to run in, we must individually "run with patience the particular race that God has set before us" (Hebrews 12:1 LB) Another key fact we discussed is that God gives every believer 4
major gifts the moment they become followers of Christ: 1) Forgiveness; 2)
Eternal Life; 3) The Holy Spirit; 4) Spiritual Gifts.
When you confess your
sins--especially the little ones you feel comfortable with--the Holy Spirit is then
free to control your life. This will be evident by the FRUIT of the Spirit in
your life: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness,
Gentleness, and Self-Control. When the fruit is not evident,
you are walking in your will, not God's will. Only when your relationship with
God is right will your other relationships be right. Our primary purpose is to love God first, then others. Our mission
is to make disciples. The way we fulfill the Great Commission ("Go
therefore and make disciples..." Matthew 28:18-20) is to KNOW, GROW,
SHOW, and GO. Knowing your Spiritual Gifts is a first step in helping you find
where and how God shaped you to GO.
The Jeopardy Review slides are below. The questions and answers to the review are
listed below the slides. Also, be sure to check out the short trailer on our
featured couple this week: Bryant and Paige Hardy.
Bryant & Paige Hardy
Introduction
1.
Within each of the 5 rings is a word that begins with “S”. Together, these
words define the mission statement of the You & Me Class. (What are
Surrender, Serve, Seek, Study, and Share?)
2.
On the outer ring are 4 words that begin with “P”. Together, these words
describe what makes it possible for each of us to accomplish our personal
mission for Christ. (What are Purity, Passion, Power, and Purpose?)
3.
TALENTS become STRENGTHS when these two things are combined. (What are SKILLS
and KNOWLEDGE?)
4.
In the parable of the talents, each servant was given different amounts of
talents to manage because of this. (What is ability “to each according to his
ability”?)
5.
Each letter in the acronym S.H.A.P.E. describes one aspect of how God has
formed us. (What are SPIRITUAL GIFTS, HEART, ABILITIES, PERSONALITY,
EXPERIENCES?)
Gifts
& Talents
1.
Your “top 5” talents in the correct order. (What are…?)
2.
Your spouse’s, soon-to-be spouses, or your mother’s “top 5” talents in the
correct order. (What are…?)
3.
When a person becomes a Christian, God instantly gives that person these 4
major gifts. (What are FORGIVENESS, ETERNAL LIFE, HOLY SPIRIT, and SPIRITUAL
GIFT(S)?)
4.
Your #1 Spiritual Gift. (What is…?)
5.
Your spouse’s, soon-to-be spouse’s, or your father’s #1 Spiritual Gift. (What
is…?)
Heart
1.
This is how we restore our hearts to a state of purity. (What is confession of
sin?)
2.
These are how we test the purity of our heart. (What are the fruit of the
Spirit?)
3.
These are the 9 fruit of the Spirit. (What are LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE,
KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL?)
4.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us: “Above all else…” do this. (What is “guard your
heart, for it is the wellspring of life”? or, What is “guard your
heart…”?)
5.
Psalm 37:4 says if we do this, the Lord will give us the desires of our heart.
(What is “Take delight in the Lord…”?)
Disciple
1.
If the You & Me Class was a business, this would be our PRODUCT. (What is a
disciple?)
2.
These are the three main ministry areas that we will soon make available in our
class. (What are ADMINISTRATION, CARE GROUPS, and RAPID RESPONSE TEAMS?)
3.
Making disciples starts here. (What is You & Me? Or What is Me?)
4.
These two words complete this verse: (What are FAITH and LOVE?) “The only thing that counts is _______ expressing itself through _______.” Galatians
5:6 NIV.)
5.
The 5 words Jesus spoke that defined the Great Commission to all believers.
(What are “Go therefore and make disciples…”?) “_____ __________ _____ _____ ___________
of all nations…” Matthew 28:18-20
Conflict
1.
This is the cause of ALL relationship conflicts. (What is sin?)
2.
This MUST be done before a relationship conflict can effectively be resolved.
(What is confess your sin and restore fellowship with God?)
3.
When conflicts erupt, you must do this until you have confessed all sin and
restored your fellowship with God. (What is keep your mouth shut?)
4.
Reconciliation begins with these 5 words. (What are “I’m sorry. Please forgive
me.”?)
5. Reconciliation is completed with these three words. (What are
“I love you.” Or, “I forgive you.”?)
