MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 7

As "...the Chief Cornerstone" (1 Peter 2:7), God is the Master Architect of each of our bodies. He has uniquely designed each person's body for His purposes. As Paul said, "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

The real tragedy of denying our character as persons made in the image of a personal God is that very few people are aware of the exhilarating potential for personal satisfaction. We have missed the truth that the deepest joys and satisfactions do not come through the five sense. Even Christians who really should know better try to relieve personal pain with physical pleasure. Many unmarried adults, proclaiming Christ as their Savior, explore physical intimacy with the opposite sex in search of security and significance.

Today we looked at five truths regarding the body's five senses and concluded that BODY oneness in a marriage is defined as physical pleasure with personal meaning. Personal meaning in God's world depends on participation in God's purposes (see slides).

Next week we will complete the Marriage Builder Series by looking at the three important building blocks required for the development of oneness in marriage. No matter what else may be right about a relationship--sincerity, honest effort, noble aspirations, warm feelings, common beliefs, communication skills--a marriage will not and cannot reach the goal of oneness without the basics: GRACE, COMMITMENT, and ACCEPTANCE.

We will begin the study on Job beginning October 9th.
 

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 6

We continued with last week's lesson on SOUL oneness: Communication by looking at how to respond to your spouse, friend, or family member when they share their feelings.

Understanding how to minister to someone in conversation requires that you recognize the need of the person. We display our needs through feelings - anxiety, fear, anger, worry, and other emotions. When your spouse, or someone close to you, makes known (through their feelings) that they have an emotional need, you have the opportunity to minister to that person in your response.

Jesus said, "you shall love your neighbor as yourself" Mark 12:31. We must listen to the feelings of our spouse and minister to them just as you would want them to minister to you. This is one of the most powerful aspects of SOUL oneness. Only when we are sensitive and patient can we hear the feelings behind the words.

Next week we will continue with BODY oneness.

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 5

We continued looking at SOUL oneness and the importance of communication. Communication problems can usually be traced to a failure in the commitment to minister, or simply, to wrong goals. 

Words, and the way we line them up and let them roll off our tongue is critical. It is not a natural process to always say things that will minister love to someone. Learning to communicate love is not easy, but it can be learned. The first step is to become aware of the needs of the person. For two singles, an obvious need would be to show an interest in the other person by asking simple questions that allow a person to share things about their life. A husband or a wife should be aware of at least a few needs of their spouse. When you satisfy a need, you minister to that person.

Ultimately, God is the only One who can completely and consistently satisfy our greatest needs (security and significance), but when we express love to another person by ministering to their known needs, that person will feel loved and significant--that is what SOUL oneness is all about.

Next week we will begin the class with several case studies and exercises to help you learn the right way to respond when your spouse or friend shares their feelings. Then we will look at BODY oneness.

We will wrap up the Marriage Builder Series the last week in September (25th) with a final lesson on the three building blocks that hold marriages together. In this last lesson we will look at what to do when the marriage is not working. Are we asked to give up all hopes for personal happiness in order to proved happiness for our mates? Are we to continually forgive our partners when they hurt us? What are we as husbands and wives to do when our marriage relationship has soured beyond any reasonable hope of sweetening?

The series on JOB will begin October 2nd. Job is one of the three wisdom books (Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Job). There are many great lessons to be learned from our study of Job

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 4

Today we moved from SPIRIT oneness to SOUL oneness. Spirit oneness is the mutual dependence on the Lord for our personal needs (security and significance). Soul oneness is the mutual commitment to minister to one another's personal needs. Where spirit oneness is our vertical relationship with God, soul oneness is the relationship to earthly circumstances where husband and wife are relating to each other.

As mentioned above, soul oneness is a mutual commitment and a choice. The choice is to manipulate or to minister. Unless there is the purpose of communicating love based on an awareness of needs, we qualify as manipulators, not ministers. We looked at three case studies (the unhappy wife; the romantic husband; and the rebuking husband). Each situation created the opportunity for the husband or the wife to manipulate or minister to their spouse. Bottom line: the goal of soul oneness is ministry.

For a majority of Christians, these truths are academic. Many have not actively thought through the radical implications of these concepts for the marital relationship--or any close relationship. And because they do not translate them from theory into experience, these truths never become vital (real).

The sculpture of the person held back by chains was to help us visualize the freedom Paul talks about in Galatians 5:1. "Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." Until we identify and begin to cut the chains of sin from our lives can we truly experience the freedom Paul talks about. And unless we are free, we cannot experience the spirit oneness that is so vital to our mutual dependence on the Lord for personal needs. Without first experiencing spirit oneness with the Lord, any effort to find soul oneness with our spouse (or other close relationships) will be futile. We must be free (identified and confessed) from known sin if we are to have oneness.

In summary, we can not move from spirit oneness to soul oneness until we are living a free life--free from sin. "...stripping off every unnecessary weight and the sin which so easily and cleverly untangles us." Hebrews 12:1

The movie "Sully" begins Friday, September 9th. The subtitle is "The Untold Story". Today I attempted to highlight the events of U.S. Air Flight 1549 and tell you a little more about what Captain Sullenberger and his crew experienced on that cold day in January when they were forced to land on the Hudson River. However, technical problems robbed the show, so next week I will give you "the rest of the story", as Paul Harvey would say.

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 3

"Unless the Lord builds the house, the laborers labor in vain." Psalm 127:1
We could say... Unless the Lord builds the relationship, you labor in vain.

The focus of this lesson was on our importance to be one with God in a vertical relationship (oneness of spirit). Our great need for security and significance can ONLY be meet in God. The need we have to feel loved and significant (oneness of soul) is met through relationships with people. Only when we believe that we are secure and significant in God can we truly minister--unconditionally--that same love to our spouse, friend, or family member.

In this lesson we also looked at what happens when we turn to others, instead of God, as our source of security and significance. Regardless how wonderful your spouse may be, he/she cannot meet the deep need you have for security and significance. When others fail to satisfy your need for security and significance you end up feeling hurt and rejected. The pain causes you to build layers of protection to avoid being hurt again. Eventually, the communication suffers and the relationship crumbles.

When it comes to satisfying our great need for security and significance we basically have four choices: 

1. Ignore our needs...

2. Attempt to find satisfaction in achievements, work, children, materialism etc...

3. Attempt to meet our needs in each other...

4. Depend on the Lord to meet our needs.

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 2

God's perfect design (blueprint) for successful relationships is dependent on our individual oneness with Him. This not only holds true for relationships with spouses, but with family members, friends, coworkers, and others. Scripture teaches that you can only find complete security and significance in Christ--whether you feel it or not. So we could say: "Oneness with God is the foundation for oneness in marriage." In reality, oneness with God is the foundation for peace in all relationships. Jesus prayed to the Father that we might find this oneness...

"I pray...that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and i am in you. may they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me." (John 17:21)

FACT: Our deep need for security and significance MUST be met before we can function fully as God intended. 

The goal of oneness can be almost frightening when we realize that God does not intend for our personal needs of security and significance to be met in marriage--or any relationship--but in Him. Looking to someone other than Christ to meet your personal need for security and significance will ultimately disappoint you. 

As we progress in our study, you will learn that this first--very important--principle will serve as the foundation for all successful relationships.

MARRIAGE BUILDER: Lesson 1

We are all in pursuit of the same goal: A deep experience of personal intimacy through relationships. Why? Because only within the context of relationships can the deepest needs of human personality be met.

Scripture teaches that relationships offer two elements that are essential if we are to live as God intended:

1) The security of being truly loved and accepted;

2) The significance of making a substantial, lasting, positive impact on another person.

This week we talked about singleness and how it is the thread that connects us all -- everyone has at one time been single, or is single now. The best way to prepare for being married is to develop a oneness with God while you are single. It is in that oneness that we find God's blueprint for marriage--and all relationships.