BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 5:22-33 (Part I)

Marriage As It was Meant to Be - (Part I)

Our entertainment-saturated society helps feed all sorts of illusions about reality. The fantasy of the perfect romantic and sexual relationship, the perfect lifestyle, and the perfect body all prove unattainable because the reality never lives up to the expectation. Let me repeat that last part: the reality never lives up to the expectation. Expectations built on a lie will always crumble in the face of reality. The hardest hit is the marriage relationship.

A society that does not honor and protect marriage undermines its very existence. Why? Because one of God's designs for marriage is to show the next generation how a husband and wife demonstrate reciprocal, sacrificial love toward each other. One of the most explicit passages of Scripture that outlines God's standard for marriage is Ephesians 5:22-33.

This topic is so vital to our having healthy, positive marriages (even for those who are not yet married) that I felt we should not rush this lesson. During the introduction today I played a 5-minute video of Andy Andrews (author and speaker) telling the story titled "Burn the Boats".

In 1519, for Hernando Cortez and his conquerors, while outnumber 5:1, burning the boats eradicated any notion of retreat from the minds of the troops and required unwavering commitment to the cause. Defeat was not an option. I found this to be an excellent illustration for the type of "commitment" that is required in marriage. We could also look at it as a powerful illustration for commitment in our spiritual lives. This kind of commitment means that you are "all in". No turning back.

Next week I will finish chapter 5 in Ephesians as we look at the details outlined by Paul for building a "Marriage As It was Meant to Be."

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 5:1-21 (Part II)

I began the lesson this morning with this verse: "In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper." Proverbs 23:32. I asked, what does the verse refer to? The answer: wine.

Nothing is more ridiculous, almost laughable, to me than listening to two "religious" people debate Christian liberties and acts of obedience. When I speak of "religious" I am referring to those who are either carnal (Christians walking in the flesh, not in the Spirit), or those who are without Christ altogether. Favorite topics of the "religious" seem to always be "giving" and "drinking." When you unpack both of these topics you typically find the "boxes" filled with excuses and defenses to protect and guard a dark soul.

Churches across America are replete with "religious" people who are unwilling to surrender, obey, and trust. Paul's message to the Ephesians is also a message to us. He urges those who are "in Christ" to walk as children of The Light. Christ is The Light. In verse 14, he quotes a passage from Isaiah urging those who are asleep in their spiritual lives to "AWAKE you who sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give you light."

To expound on Ephesians 5:18, I shared John MacArthur's message titled "Christians and Alcohol". It is important that we understand the context of drinking alcohol from Paul's perspective at the time of his writing. 

First, I think we will all agree that scripture is crystal-clear on the matter of drunkenness. Drunkenness is a sin that separates the believer from Christ. It keeps the believer from walking in God's purpose. You are drunk when you lose your self-control at any point. This has always been an issue, both in Old and New Testament times. Those who are "in Christ" should avoid, at all cost, being drunk.

Secondly, wine in our modern world is not the same as it was in Biblical times. Religious defenders will continue to argue this point. The bottom line is not about drinking, but more importantly that we be "...filled with the Spirit." (5:18)

We continued in Ephesians chapter 5, picking up in 5:6: "Let no man deceive you..." Verse 7 says, "... Therefore, do not be partakers with them." "Them..." are those who walk in darkness.

(8-11) "...but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them."

Many believers are asleep spiritually. They are adrift with the culture, as a boat without a rudder. Their priority is being accepted by others rather than fulfilling their God-given purpose (God's will) for their lives. As a result, their lives are being "spent" on temporary pleasures.

Paul urges followers of Christ to AWAKE! Arise from the dead. (15-17) "See then that you walk circumspectly (carefully, wisely, not as fools), not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Next week I will complete chapter 5 and look at what Paul has to say to the Ephesians about the relationship between wives and husbands.

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 5:1-21 (Part I)

All of us set goals for ourselves--both short-range and long-range. Even though our goals are not always consciously planned, nevertheless we are headed somewhere.

However, rarely do people set goals for their ethical behavior. People are usually molded morally by what is deemed acceptable behavior within their own particular culture at that time. The world at large gropes in the darkness of their own understanding to find ways of justifying their actions even against the most basic moral prohibitions in the name of civil authority, religion or a particular cause. The expected and often proven outcome of a life lived without a moral compass is self-destruction.

Yogi Berra, three-time MVP and New York Yankees catcher, was famous for his quotes. One such quote applies to those who "float" through life without moral conviction:

Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, beginning in chapter 5, urges those who are "in Christ" to forsake the darkness and walk in the light. "Awake, you who sleep...", he writes. At the time of his writing, the culture (especially in the city of Ephesus) was given over to sexual immorality. In verses 5:3-4 he describes the ways that are "not fitting" for the Christian. As would be expected, all six of the descriptions were aimed at sexual sins:

1. Fornication (porneia): a broad word describing sexual sin.

2. Uncleanness: another broad word for "dirty" moral behavior, especially in the sexual sense.

3. Filthiness: which has much the same meaning as uncleanness.

4. Coarse jesting: which has the idea of inappropriate, "dirty" sexual humor.

5. Covetousness: the desire to have something that doesn't belong to us.

6. Foolish talking: turning every conversation into a joking comment on sexual matters, usually with a double entendre (a word or phrase open to two interpretations, one of which is usually risque or indecent).

The last two examples (5 and 6) would obviously have relevance beyond their relation to sexual sin, but in context of Paul's culture it is a fair assumption of his intent.  A cursory observation of our current culture in America will show that all 6 examples run rampant today. We see it in greeting cards, TV commercials, talk shows, comical movies, and more. Everywhere you turn, darkness has slipped through the cracks in what we tolerate as acceptable morality and accepted ethical behavior.

Paul urges that we "Walk as children of light...finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness..." (8-12). NOTE: Paul is careful to say that we should avoid the "unfruitful works of darkness", not the people who are in darkness.

Next week we will have a shortened class (9:45 - 10:15) due to the Christmas program that begins in the sanctuary at 10:30. I plan to stay on topic and have a short discussion. We will continue with part II of Ephesians 5 the following week.

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 4:17-32 (Part II)

Today we completed the section on putting off the "old man" and putting on the "new man" found in Ephesians 4:17-32. Paul focused on the need for those who are in Christ to "be renewed in the spirit of your mind" and let the new man rule your behavior. He clearly spells out five behavioral changes that define the "new man" and their importance in relationships. Paul is applying this principle to relationships in the church, but it is also applicable in relationships in marriages, families, friendships, and work.

The acronym (not actually a word) I used to define Paul's 5 behavioral changes was F.I.S.D.A.

F = Falsehood must be replaced with TRUTH (4:25)
I = Indifference must be replaced with PROPER ANGER (4:26-27).
S = Selfishness must be replaced with GIVING (4:28)
D = Destructive Speech must be replaced with CONSTRUCTIVE SPEECH (4:29).
A = Improper Anger must be replaced with KINDNESS and FORGIVENESS (4:31-32).

When we apply these five principles during conflicts, we will be solving conflicts God's way.

You will have a satisfying marriage to the degree that you learn to solve your conflicts God's way.

The key to eliminating fisda from conflict resolution is the Holy Spirit. Our human nature defaults to sin every time unless restrained. When emotions flare during a relationship conflict, the only way to overcome the natural urge to unleash the "old man" is to surrender to the Holy Spirit.

RESULTS FROM SURVEY

I conducted a survey today to discover what the first year of marriage was like for our married couples in regard to conflicts and overall satisfaction. The survey also asked for their current evaluation of their marriages. The survey included 15 couples (30 people).

1st Year of Marriage: The variance of satisfaction in the first year of marriage among spouses was small. Of the 15 couples, only four had a variance of 2 or more in their evaluation of their first year of marriage. This was interesting to me. In these four marriages, although one spouse was having a difficult time, the other spouse was not. The remaining 11 couples were in basic agreement as to their feelings of satisfaction during their first year of marriage. The average score of satisfaction for all 15 couples was 3.6 out of 5 during their first year of marriage, and ranged from a low of 1 to a high of 5. Six people evaluated their first year satisfaction below 3 and 8 people gave their first year of marriage a 5. Nineteen of the thirty people (63%) scored their first year of marriage 4 or better. This should give our single class members hope that the first year of marriage is not to be feared

Now: So how have things changed since that first year? Overall, things have improved. The average of the 15 couples for their current satisfaction in marriage was 4.2. That is compared to the first year marriage satisfaction of 3.6. This is nearly a 17% improvement is marriage satisfaction. Sadly, improvement in satisfaction was not 100% across the board. Not all of our couples have experienced an improvement in marriage satisfaction since their first year.

We all will see continued improvement in our marriage satisfaction to the degree we are willing to approach conflicts using God's solutions. That is what our lesson was about today. I encourage you to re-read this post and meditate on the scriptures. It is my prayer that we would all put the highest priority on solving conflicts God's way. Remember, it is a choice. The three things we must do is S.O. T. Surrender, Obey, Trust.

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 4:17-32

As we continued in chapter 4 of Ephesians, we see that Paul spells out five behavioral changes of the new man. These changes are the cornerstones of successful relationships. Why?

1. The old man is filled with vanity (futility), darkened understanding, and ignorance.

2. There is, even in the believer, a strong, indwelling disposition to do what we want rather than what God wants.

3. No two people are compatible.

4. You are going to have conflicts.

We looked at a number of factors that lead to conflicts: different backgrounds and experiences; different habit patterns; different convictions and values; different perspectives and ways of thinking as men and women; different goals; etc. When coupled with our sin nature, you have the "perfect storm" for conflict(s).

The solution to conflicts in marriage relationships and relationships with others is found in Paul's five behavioral changes of the new man.

1. The new man replaces falsehood with truth (4:25).

2. The new man replaces indifference with proper anger (4:26-27).

3. The new man replaces selfishness with giving (4:28).

4. The new man replaces destructive speech with constructive speech (4:29).

5. The new man replaces improper anger with kindness and forgiveness (4:31-32).

And the key that unlocks all five of these behavioral changes is the Holy Spirit (4:30) that resides in all those who are "in Christ".

Next Sunday we will unpack these five behavioral changes and look at some scenarios for application.

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 4:7-16

We now live, as you well know, in the most narcissistic, self-absorbed, self-centered society that America has ever known, and it is becoming increasingly more so, if that is possible. Churches have become preoccupied with meeting people’s needs and satisfying their wants. Contemporary churches today are no longer fellowships of sacrificial saints; those who want to give their lives away. Instead, attending church has become a spectator experience; a place where one goes to watch what happens.

Regardless of the current state of modern contemporary churches, the church is still called to be a fellowship of people selflessly and humbly giving their lives away sacrificially to one another and to those outside. This is Paul's message as we dig deeper into chapter 4.

Our lesson today opened with one of the greatest passages on fellowship in all of the New Testament; the mutual life of the church (4:7-16)

 "But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ." (4:7) "For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ." (4:12)

What this passage is saying is that we are all to be engaged equipping the saints for the work of ministry--to build up the body of Christ.

The saints are equipped to do the work of ministry. The body is built up, and in the building up of the body of Christ, we reflect Christ’s likeness. The message of the truth which we speak in love is under-girded by our lives, putting Christ on display.

Motivating reasons for you to use your God-given gift(s) in service within the body of Christ are:

1: THE SOURCE of the gift that you have; it was given by God.
2: THE COST of the gift; it was purchased by the death of Christ and His suffering.
3: THE IMPACT of that gift; it is necessary for “the building up of the body of Christ, till we all come to the stature of the fullness of Christ,” because every joint, every individual part is doing what it is designed to do to build the body up in love.
4. THE ETERNAL REWARDS of the use of the gift(s) you have been given.

According to the measure of the gift of Christ, He has poured out to you grace and faith--measured--enough grace and faith for you to fully exercise the gift(s) He has given you. "...according as God has dealt to every man the measure of faith." (Romans 12:3)

He increases our faith as we do three things:

1: Surrender all to Him
2: Obey His Word
3: Trust in His promises

BIBLE STUDY METHODS - Ephesians 4:1-6

We began the second half of Ephesians as Paul transitions from doctrine to duty, from principle to practice, from theology to life. Doctrine is always the basis of duty--duty always flows out of doctrine. In the first three chapters of Ephesians, we learned of the incredible resources and riches that God has given all who are "in Christ". Rightly does Paul tell us, beginning in chapter 4, to walk worthy to our calling. To live up to what God has given us.

"Do you walk worthy of God?"

People will do anything to conform to principles of an organization in order to satisfy their desperate need to be accepted and valued. So much so that their deep need to be accepted becomes obsessive. In Luke 9:1-23 there is an example of such obsession by the parents of the blind man healed by Jesus. The blind man's parents were so constrained by their desire for acceptance in their society that they wouldn't give credit to Christ for their son's miraculous healing. The things people identify with can become so binding that they become blind to reality. In this case, the parents were blind to the glory of Christ.

In order to grow in wisdom we must "mine" the scriptures to find the gold and silver that lies within.  In Job 28:1-12 we read about the lengths people will go to mine treasures from the earth. In Proverbs 2:4-6 Solomon says that when you put as much effort to know the wisdom of God as people exert to find gold and silver, then you'll know God's wisdom. Until you know God's wisdom, you won't know how to live.

Hebrews chapter 11 is were we read about many who did walk worthy of God. It is the great chapter on giants of faith.

Lastly, I revisited an old topic: stewardship. The acid test of a Christians faith is found in his/her relationship to money. The complete transfer of ownership of ones material and financial lives to God is often the last stronghold before arriving at a place of absolute surrender. I suggested to those who are living outside of God's will in regard to their relationship with money (owners not managers) to take a step of faith and simply give $1/week as acknowledgement of God's ownership. Increase the amount until it hurts, then back off $1. God loves a cheerful giver. Remember, it's not about the money; it's about your heart (Matthew 5:8).

"The earth is the Lord's, and the fullness therof; the world, and they that dwell therein." Psalm 24:1

God already owns it all, He is just waiting for you to agree with Him. Then we can move on to more important things.